Yo-ho-hum and a Bottle of Aspirin: Pirates of the Caribbean

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Yo-ho-hum and a Bottle of Aspirin: Pirates of the Caribbean

Post by Windwalker »

Against my better judgment (and because I needed the distraction), I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 3. How large a failure is it? Let me count the ways.

There is no focus or suspense whatsoever. Even the video-game-like rules are arbitrary, transparently made up as we go along. The plot is made of strung-together episodes, interrupted by long, stilted expositions.
The shameless borrowing from 20,000 Leagues under the Sea continues unabated, carried over from POTC 2.
There is no character development or interactions. The talented cast bounce off each other like billiard balls and we cease to care for anyone's fate.
Cap'n Jack's original fey charm has deteriorated into a stale collection of tired tics.
Keith Richards looks like a makeup-encrusted mummy and sinks with nary a ripple. Hell, they manage to make Chow Yun Fat look uncharismatic!
The F/X are ok but not inspired. The various battles and fights are muddy, cookie-cutter unimaginative and instantly forgettable.

The first POTC was a surprise, a light-hearted romp with a soupçon of hidden depths. Sparrow was delightful as a charismatic rogue/contrary archetype. The last two POTC films have been as waterlogged, barnacle-clogged and vacuous as that other shipwreck, Waterworld. But their unforgivable sin is that they're boring.

Franchises will always make money, if only because people don't want to be considered "out of it". Save your money and neurons, go see The Lives of Others instead.
For I come from an ardent race
That has subsisted on defiance and visions.

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Post by intrigued_scribe »

I wholeheartedly agree with your assessment, and to me, even failure is one of the more polite ways to refer to Pirates of the Caribbean 3. (And I haven't even seen it, nor do I intend to now. I've heard about too many of the film's biggest flaws, both in the review here and elsewhere. ) Among other vast shortcomings, I also find the poor characterization to be one of the worst. And I won't even get started on the lack of decent plot execution.

Windwalker wrote:
Save your money and neurons, go see The Lives of Others instead.
Very good advice.


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